Sunday, June 21, 2009


Lady in red says….

Over the years, I have many good and bad experiences trying to understand men. I hope this discussion will give me a clearer picture of the characteristics and behaviours of men.
Men were given an authority on everything on earth since the beginning of time. I agreed with Valiant Knight that males are dominant and since then they live in the level of authority and ego is their number one in their list of attributes. Even surnames have to be maintained to keep in touch with the generations of their forefathers.
In olden days, men were the rulers and decision makers in every workplace and household. Most top posts were held by men and there were no questions asked even though there were potential female candidates.

This is most obvious among the ethnic groups in Sarawak; most of the longhouses have men appointed as leaders and respect is expected from their people.
Every first born male is a blessing and females are considered a curse in the family. Especially among the Chinese, the males would get the properties and have the rights to carry down the name of succeeding generations. Opportunities, especially in term of education are given to the males. When a man gets married, he expects the woman to move into the man’s family home and served the whole household. She holds no authority.
You don’t expect men to do any household activities as they claim that it is the woman’s job to cook and to clean.
When men go out for social activities, women have to accept that they are part doing business.
It’s just a simple theory – Men command, Women obey!
I do agree with Valiant Knight in most of the facts he had highlighted on the men being the domineering figure in the family and in society in the past.

As time moves on, the men’s expectations are different now. Most Chinese families realized that having daughters in the household are better than sons. Men with families moved out to settle on their own and moved into their wives’ households too. Mothers often complained that their sons listen to their wives and no longer get their attention.
The influence of homosexuality is no longer a taboo. “What choice do I have?” said Mrs. Chan, one of my aunty whose son is a gay and is living with a man.
Yes, men are fearful of women, some of them do, there’s no doubt about it. The fact is that men are human, too. They feel deeply, they care passionately, and they want to be respected, and loved.
As we can see it today, the roles of men have changed. We have men working under lady bosses; in the medical field, we have male nurses that were once only meant for women. We have men who didn’t mind to being kept by older women who are single and rich.
The roles that men have to play are now expanding and they share with the women many of the roles once reserved for women. We do hear of men becoming house-husbands, staying at home to care for the children while more ambitious wives go to work without becoming the butt of jokes and being mocked by friends.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes and it’s the women job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

The Magic of our differences
To conclude, whether we are men or women, we all want to be respected and valued for whom we really are, free from the old limitations and role-playing. Men and women should open themselves to bridge the old and new age. We call it the magic of differences, made possible by genuine curiosity and sincere listening to know the human truth beyond the old clichés about:”all any woman wants….” And “...that’s how men are.”

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