Monday, June 29, 2009

Lady in Red says ...Why men cheat? Part 1

Lady in red says….
After the topics of Relationship before and after marriage, Women and Men of Yesterday and Today, these are going to be related issues that are very common to men. Like it or not men cheat. The percentages of men being unfaithful to their wives are higher than women being unfaithful to their husbands and only about a third of marriages survive affairs. It is harder for women to get over the emotional stress, to forgive, redevelop the trust and try to make the marriage more intimate and satisfying again. Although women are more forgiving, they are still hurt but are forced to put up a brave face in front of the community.
Having a perception that men involved with women are more attractive than their spouse is not really true. Men cheat because of the following reasons:-
Unhappy Marriage: - This usually prompts many men to go for an affair. Their lives are being controlled by the nagging wives and they have to tell lies about work involvement outside. As a married woman, I thought that I should give my husband his privacy and not questioned him about his movement but then it may give him opportunities to stray. In most cases lack of communication in marriage leads a man to run into the arms of another woman. It always starts with a casual relationship, slowly developing into a deep relationship and gradually getting sexually involved, by then it’s too late to get out.
Loneliness: - Don’t leave your man alone. This usually happens when they are away on a job. Another woman can easily fill in the gap if he is left alone too long.
Sex: Sex is one of the main reasons. Most couples do not want to discuss it frankly. When they have problem in their sex life, they do not talk about it resulting in their husbands’ sexual needs not being fulfilled. According to a marriage counsellor, most men cheat are due to not getting their sexual needs met.
Ego: During one of our husband/wife arguments, my husband once said to me, “You think no woman wants me. I can find one if I want to!” I guess men have very fragile egos and when complimented by other women, they feel great and want to prove to themselves that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.
Money: Money is one of the main factors. My husband once told me that if only he has money, he can have any woman he wants. He said only money can attract women. I do agree with him because material things do matter. They are willing to spend on their girlfriends when they think they are “in love.”
A Relationship with No Commitment: Men often looked for women they can turn to and often jump into such relationships looking for some “fun”. No matter how good or faithful their spouses are, many men tend to think that having one woman is not enough. One of my uncles is one example of one playing a double role in front and at the back of his wife. His wife is contended with all the attention given her by all the “darling” and “honey” calls in front of her relatives.
Men are Men: Many men think they are superior to Woman and get away by doing anything they please, breaking the sacred marriage vows they took at the time of marriage and not caring about the feelings of their spouses. Majority of men are selfish and they try to get what they want and it does not matter who they hurt while doing so.
One thing Men must understand is that they are going to get caught at one point or another. It may be the scent of a different perfume, some fallen hair, a lipstick mark or their different behaviour. But women are smart; many men have lost their money, property, health and wealth by opting for relationships outside marriage. But that still does not prevent them from doing it again and again. After all, Men are men!After years of marriage, everything is taken for granted and couples tend to stop appreciating each other. When that is absent, can you blame a man for cheating?

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