Sunday, July 12, 2009


Lady in red says….
Similarly when a woman selects a man to marry, she wants the best attributes from her Prince Charming. But then fairy tales doesn’t exist anymore because it does not work anymore in this world. A good example that does proof the theory is Princess Diana.
When I was young, I expect my man to be romantic, at least good-looking and rich enough to provide me with security but when I got married, I can achieve only 50% due to circumstances and somehow the marriage still works because I am still married to the same man.
I asked a few men from the older generation who had been married for more than 30 years and this is the findings I got from them. Most of them want a good team mate that does not cause any conflict in the family. The younger generation has different sets of opinions. There are many factors but I will focus on the five basic ingredients men expect their spouses to be:-
Presentable Appearance - Mr. Lim’s marriage was an arranged one; he is lucky that his wife that was chosen for him is presentable and can be shown around. Unlike Mr. Loh, he always makes excuse that his wife (fat and not presentable) does not like to go out. It makes a man feel good) when their wives are being admired. For those that are still young, beauty does not matter; the attraction is just too strong for each other when they think they are “in love.”
Home-oriented - My own husband already complains that I am away from home too often. Of course most husbands expect their spouses to stay at home, clean, cook and set the house in order. Whether they are full time housewives or working, it’s expected of the spouse to be stationed in the kitchen and come out with dinner. So, men what’s wrong in giving in a helping hand when the working spouse had to rush to get dinner ready? It’s a different setting now with the younger couple helping each other.
Independence – man expect his wife not to bother him with little petty things. Sebastian said to me, “That’s why I insist my wife to learn to drive!” I know of one working wife who can bother her husband for little things. Even when he was at a meeting the poor secretary had to run errands for the wife. Financially independence is also one of the key factors that most husbands prefer their wives to have.
Obedience – Men still prefer the traditional trend to manage their spouses – “You obey!” I don’t fully support this statement because obedience shows no freedom of choice. A good exercise for every husband is to try to show your wife some respect. A major part of showing respect is to avoid the trap of being hyper-critical. Most men like to criticize the way their wives dress, cook meals, park the car or walk the dog. You might think you are instructing your wife, but you are actually showing disrespect for the decisions she makes. By criticising her you have contempt for whatever she is doing, that you are treating her like a child or even as a pet. Showing a lack of respect is one of the surest ways to kill off a marriage.
Loyalty – I wonder why wives have to stay loyal if husbands do not. Mr. Stephen Lim said to me, “I expect my wife to take care of me when I am sick, no question asked, that’s the reason I married her. For better or worse, until death do us part, that’s the deal”.
Good communication is one of the keys of a healthy marriage; good communication requires you to tell her how you are affected. Don't focus on her actions, but on the consequences of those actions. If you simply accuse her of undermining you or being insensitive, it automatically puts her on the defensive. When she's defensive about her actions, good communication becomes all but impossible.
Valiant Knight had brought up some good points of things he expect from a wife. Any woman can do that and satisfy his man if the husband plays his part too.

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