WHY WOMEN CHEAT PART 1 & 2

Lady in Red and Valiant Knight are both freelance writers. The Lady is from East Malaysia and the Knight is from the Peninsula. Their writings in this column will be based on the real facts of life in this society. They can be contacted at jennievictor9@gmail.com.
PUBLISHED IN EASTERN TIMES SDN BHD ON 04 JULY 2009

WHY WOMEN CHEAT PART 1

Lady in red says….
Valiant Knight seemed to feel that women are at fault for cheating on their spouse. It takes two hands to clap and they are mature enough to make choices, no one should be blamed except themselves.
Men usually cheat for physical reasons and women for emotional reasons. Very often, the husbands are not aware of their wives' affairs as they are consumed by in pursuing their own goals. The reasons are similar to men's reasons for infidelity. Women cheat on their husbands for various reasons like excitement, passion, boredom with their marriage or being neglected by the husband.
There is some truth to that, but when I asked some women to share why they strayed from their husbands. Here are some of their stories:
Unappreciated -- Jane 35, a secretary said her reason for cheating on her husband was that she was taken for granted too often. According to Jane, "My husband is not able to appreciate what I bring to the marriage in terms of sex, thrift and housekeeping skills. He is too busy trying to make money and so I have been receiving attention from my boss at work and one thing led to the other, so I enjoy my attention at the workplace."
Lack of excitement - Annie, 55, a businesswoman, admits that she has a great companionate relationship with her husband of 20 years but, she says, "I want sexual excitement which he does not offer nor is willing to try." She said that she was so bored with the marriage that she resorted to Internet dating. One day, by chance, a younger man admired her at the courier service center, they exchanged numbers and pho\ne conversations took on a sexual nature. She felt young and the excitement of attracting a younger man makes her life more exciting. The outstation trips became more frequent.
Lack of communication - Mary 30, a teacher married for just four years, describes her marriage as a “living hell", because her husband is very autocratic and does not communicate well. There are frequent fights and her husband fails to understand how his wife feels. This is leading to several other problems which will eventually lead to many other problems and the marriage is shaky right now. "It is hard to express my sexual feelings and he does know that he is not satisfying me, so I had to find sexual satisfaction from one of my many colleagues on training course."
Lonely - Lucy, 45, a housewife is well provided for by her husband and she should be satisfy with her lifestyle managing the house hold with house maid. Lucy said, "He is always travelling and when he is home, it is meetings, meetings, meetings!" And when he return home, he is usually tired and pay no attention to her and her effort of making herself looked good is a waste of effort. Lucy became lonely and temperamental and leads her to find comfort elsewhere by seeking out another man for happiness. She found a friend who is a tuition teacher giving tuition to her children. The daily tuition activity became a more excited event for both of them. Lucy said she have to play the game until she cannot take it anymore.
Revenge - Amy, 40, a nurse became unfaithful to her husband out of revenge, because she found out that her husband was sleeping around. Amy feels that since he chose that path, she will go there as well just to get back to him to get some revenge, an Egyptian doctor who was posted here, and being lonely without his family makes it easier for both of them to develop a relationship that may not lead them anywhere, but what does Amy cares?
Thrill - At some points, I do agree with Valiant Knight that some women simply cheat on their husbands for the thrill of not getting caught, or the feeling that they are getting away with something.
Self-esteem - Sex can be an instant pick-me-up; a self-esteem booster that makes women feel sexier, more beautiful and more loved. There are ways of making your spouse feels secure and good by paying attention to her and not holding back the compliments. Women needed to be appreciated, why let other men compliment your wife and you know that your wife looks good but you just can’t open your mouth and compliment her.
Predictable pattern - According to Michele Langley, author of Women's Infidelity, women's extra-marital relationships today follow a very predictable pattern like pushing men for commitment, getting what they want, losing interest in sex, becoming attracted to someone else, becoming angry and resentful and resulting them to start cheating. They blame their partners for their behavior and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite but usually, long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.
So it’s all about choices men and women had to make!

WHY WOMEN CHEAT PART 2

Valiant Knight says ……..
From personal experience, I would say the main reason is that they met someone they could not resist! Sounds similar to why men cheat, right? Women cheat for almost the same reasons as men! Shocking? Not true? Believe me, it is often the case.
Of course the underlying factors may not all be the same in each case. I know of a woman who cheated because she was unhappy with her spouse. She was unhappy with her spouse in many ways. Basically, he was too involved with his work and spent very little time with her and the children. Secondly, he was a selfish lover. The type that would get his orgasm and them turn over to snore! Thirdly, she has to put up a false front because of the nature of her spouse’s work.
Finally, she had the opportunity to work with a man that she found was all that her husband wasn’t and given ample opportunity to work and be with him most of the time, they touched physically and an explosion resulted and the next thing you know, they were making love like old married couple! Here too, thing were different from her previous experiences. This cheating relationship ended of course in both the woman and the man divorcing their respective spouses!
In another case, there was this woman who was just one step below this man in the office hierarchy and since they share a common office that is quite secluded (opportunity) she did everything to attract this man’s attention to the extent of even seducing him by exposing herself to him (temptation). So, this man eventually took advantage of her and she was all too willing to be involved (cooperation). The reason: opportunity to rise in her position of work.
The next true case I want to bring out is one where the woman having reached a position of power finds that there is still one final challenge for her. She uses her position and power to get herself a man of equal power. Her husband, a good fellow, is rather a weakling and rather unimpressive, whereas she was a big boss wielding lots of authority in work. She found another fellow worker from another branch equally strong and powerful in nature. She liked what she sees in him so much that at every opportunity they were working together under some pretext. Eventually, they were at a conference outstation together and it didn’t need a spark to set them off! This went on for years without their respective spouses knowing. It was well controlled as people in power know how to control situations!
From these three true to life situations, you will have to agree with me that women of today are no longer isolated and confined at home. They have ample opportunities at work especially to meet someone they can take up as a lover, either for permanent sake or as a temporary situation just to please themselves.
More shocking for men, even if you leave your wives at home, don’t think you are safe from a cheating woman! The final example of a cheating woman I want to bring out is that of an uneducated home maker. Her house was in a secluded area and since she has no means of going out to shop for her daily necessities she has to ask for delivery. (I know how Western storybooks and TV series have portrayed this theme but this is a true life situation in Malaysia!) Unfortunately, most of the delivery personnel are men. It was no difficult task to invite each in for a cooling drink in our hot weather and after a cool drink heat up the man with her seductive ways!
So, why do women cheat? They are just like men, too. They are bored, fed-up with their partners, they want to impress, they want to convince themselves they are still attractive and wanted, they want to experience new thrills, they want to compare men, they want out! Also, because in some cases they also know that their men cheat on them (as pointed out last week that men cheat because their wives first cheat on them).
All is fair in love and war!